NEW MOON

This is the first movie to ever give me both first and second-hand embarrassment. Both for me being there in the first damn place, and for the actors in it (though, I'm sure their wages almost make up for all that).

Wow. It's just too painful to completely relive, so I'll just give you some of the low-lights.

The movie gets off on the wrong foot because it's main character is blank and unlikeable...which translates to *every* girl in the country being able to project their own personalities onto the one she lacks.

Kristen Stewart makes the bad writing sound just that much worse with her monotone voice and lack of any sense of cadence. You hardly process her lines because she inflects no meaning at all to anything she says. She mumbles and rushes sentences together that should not be. Basically, she says she cares, like she doesn't.

The movie has no real rhythm in the plot. There's no build-up to anything in particular. It's just a series of emo songs, playing behind an emo girl, and her emo vampire boyfriend... Who is mostly in *~wisp~* form this go 'round, with a few random action sequences sprinkled in. These involve characters from the first film and newbies, none of whom you get to know any better.

I actually busted out laughing at several inappropriate times and made the teeny-boppers surrounding me, very, very angry (sorry you guys). The first time was when a shirtless character comes out of the cold Northwestern woods carrying our heroine...

...Which none of the gathered people who greeted him thought was strange. Nope, nobody questions why he's not wearing a shirt, full pants, or shoes.

...In the woods.

...At night.

...But he did have on a pair of snazzy hip-hugging denim capris (...an endless supply I'd wager given the *~spoiler!~*)

I also lost it when Jacob, the newly buffed up ~other boy~ from the first film, just *has* to remove his shirt to tend to Mary Sue's Bella's wound. Really, Jacob was pretty much constantly shirtless, standing around in the cold Northwestern rain throughout the entire movie. Yes. I know the logical reason for it, but still...

I found nothing redeeming about this movie. AT ALL. The entire audience gave a collective groan at the ending, which was the lamest cliffhanger since The Matrix Reloaded's O'NOES!AGENTSMITH IS OUT OF THE MATRIX!!! *dunh-dunh-DUNH!*

This is a meandering mess of a movie, with no real pay-off; no reason why you sat through it.

*sigh*

You know. I'm trying to cut this generation some slack.

What was girls' intro to burgeoning adolescent yearning, in my day? ...Micheal Jackson, New Edition, New Kids on The Block...

I don't remember any mormon-virgin-porn book-to-film crazes of any kind when I was girl. In my day, it was all about 80's glam fantasies like Labyrinth, Legend... You know, stuff beginning with the letter "L".

So. At least now it's based on books... Bad books, but books, nonetheless.

That's a step up, right?

...RIGHT?

...

...

Okay. Maybe not.



PARENTS: You'll likely be taking your little girls to see this movie and for that, I think you're the most self-sacrificing parents, ever. I salute you.

There's heavy violence *implied*, but cutaway at strategic points. Though, you *do* see a vampire's head and arms get torn-off (the effect is like a crumbly statue). The extent of the sex can be seen in my capped photo.

MAYBE THE WORLD REALLY IS ENDING IN 2012...

New Moon broke the opening day box office record set by The Dark Knight.

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...NEW MOON IS NOW THE TOP SINGLE DAY EARNER IN HISTORY.


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...I'm freakin' old.


...And I know this is the reason why preteens and their mommas went to see it.
I'm just sayin'... There are much better movies with eye-candy too, ladies.


A review is forthcoming.

NO MORE EXCUSES...

Roger Ebert just twittered this. Precious might have just set a new all-time high box office record for per screen average.

I hope producers are watching.

I hope they see this as confirmation that simply *making* a quality film, marketing it properly, getting to places where it will be seen will bring in money, regardless of the lack of ATTRACTIVE SKINNY WHITE FEMALE~*MOVIE STARS!*~ and WHITE MALE *~MOVIE STARS!~* [...and will smith]

Targeting *only* Joe Average Filmgoer (who I think might just see a good movie regardless)...

...Limiting the types of film brought to a wider audience simply because you don't think a dark-skinned black woman, a woman who wears a dress size other than zero, or tangentially ANY other under-represented group will sell tickets?

Not only do you screw your audience but you also screw your own pockets. Just realize that these populations *aren't* a trend. They won't simply cease to exist once you've made your requisite 1 or 2 movies to capitalize on them. ...Tyler Perry, anyone?

I am hoping that this will be a wake-up call. I'm am hoping this will inspire more diversity and less pre-programming when it comes to the choices we have in film.

I really hope.

Producers. Stop underestimating your audiences. Stop under-serving them. I am sure there are many populations *just waiting* for good movies reflecting them that they can finally pour their money into.

They would love to line your pockets. You just have to be open-minded enough to allow them to.

PRECIOUS VS. GABOUREY 'GABBY' SIDIBE

I am really looking forward to this film, but I know I'll have to be in the proper frame of mind.



Before I get into this, I want you see and hear from the actor who is playing the title role, Gabourey 'Gabby' Sidibe.



Now that you've seen that, read *this worthy piece.

This was a choice quote:

*Outlet: New York Magazine
Article: "When Push Comes to Shove"
Speaker: David Edelstein, author of the piece
Quote:

"

I'm not judging girls who look like Sidibe in life [<- this is his warning that he's about to say some offensive 'ish, also Sidibe isn't real], but her image onscreen is jarring to the point of being transgressive, its only equivalent to be seen in John Waters's pointedly outrageous carnivals. Her head is a balloon on the body of a zeppelin, her cheeks so inflated they squash her eyes into slits. Her expression is either surly or unreadable. Even with her voice-over narration, you're meant to stare at her ebony face and see nothing.

"

The way this actor is spoken about likely mirrors the treatment she gets in her role, despite the drastic differences between who she is as a person and the character she plays. It's the surface that she's judged by, a surface for which the prejudged setting in most minds is no where near positive. In fact, it's damn near the bottom of what we are conditioned to loathe. She's female, dark-skinned, and not thin.

Edelstein's reactions to this are telling. He is stuck on her physicality, describing it as if she were some off-the-charts anomaly, going so far as to declare her looks a clever emotional manipulation, when the purpose seems to be the opposite. Basically, he got it backwards. He blames her appearance; her color, her size for not seeing her, as opposed to I don't know, his initial *choice* not to because of how he *already felt* about those attributes?

It's almost worse when I see people go too far in the opposite direction, being extra-nice, trying to convince themselves they aren't feeling these things most all of us do. ...That we aren't that bad.

...Treating her with kiddie gloves, with this preciousness. Noting that "Wow! You are nothing like your character!", "You don't sound like her." like this is some kind of aberration, given her color and size. This is sometimes followed by a strange coddling behavior, talking to her like she's a child.

You prejudged her, based on racist and sizest B.S.

Now, forgo the backhanded compliments and acknowledge it, honestly deal with it and then address her as a peer, please.

I know, Gabby will likely also catch heat from other black people for "being too white", and not just because of her accent but because of her wording. *OMGOREO!!!11!* people Tripping out.

But that's the way of the world. I hope her career goes farther than Clare-Hope Ashitey's has, another rare young dark-skinned black actor, since her "big-break". She's seems like a decent person. I hope, but I'm not holding my breath. I know Rutina Wesley is counting her lucky stars, every day.

...And I hope people will move beyond the quick and easy, feel-good sense of triumph over insurmountable odds analysis of this film (*see Antwone Fisher, as well), in the sense of "See? Everybody, can overcome their circumstances!" because that simply isn't true. I hope folks move far enough into self-analysis to at least be more apt to see the blank-slate first and to relate her plight to many folks' plight, the world over.

Monique is getting lots of Award show buzz for playing another fat and sassy character here, but at least it doesn't look like a barely glimpsed one-dimensional sketch of a stereotype. It looks like a fully realized character, one who cannot be dismissed as simply fat and sassy, so kudos.

I'll let you know what I think.

FIRST 5 MINUTES OF THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG

Feeling lots of nostalgia at the hand-drawn animation in this. It is so lush and gorgeous, but I'm worried.

Yes, it's encouraging; amazing, that even in my short time on this Earth, these changes have come to pass. A little black girl can see a first lady and a Disney Princess who looks like her. I celebrate that. I am so grateful for this coming to pass in my lifetime.

No, it won't be icky-race issue-free, but I still really want it to be good, keep those stumbly steps heading in the rightish direction.