August 20, 2006

SNAKES ON A PLANE

In the beginning, more than a year ago...The title was a joke.

It was the example of Hollywood crap with the tossed bone that at least with this one, you know exactly, what you're getting.

It's clearly going to be about Snakes...on a Plane... "Haha-hah! Funny! Okay, we're done." Except the fans weren't.

Because they discovered that most elusive of celebrity breed in this movie's star. He's the non-elitist, fun-loving species, that *gasp!* understands the joy of knowingly making a messed-up b-movie. That man was Samuel "He's Got a Purple Light Saber" L. Jackson. Sammy understood it enough to insist on keeping the title. And he became SoaP fans' hero.

Snakes on a Plane fans are the same people who have love for movies like Flash Gordon. They are the Joels, Crows, and Tom Serbo's who leave the aliens up top scratching their heads in puzzlement over why their b-movie torture isn’t working.

When something becomes lovably viral to net geeks they will NEVER. LET. GO. Even after the fad has clearly run it's course.

A recent issue of Entertainment Weekly's Shaw Report got it exactly right:

IN:

Snakes on a plane

5 MINUTES AGO:

Snakes on a plane

OUT:

Snakes on a plane


Early this past Friday morning, I was standing on a subway platform reading a Snakes on a Plane blurb in the paper when a random lady on the subway platform approached me. Here’s how the conversation went, paraphrased, of course:

Random lady on the Subway Platform: " Oh...I saw that last night. That movie was soooo bad, my boyfriend and I walked out. A snake actually bite a lady in the eye..."

Me: "Too violent, huh?"

Random lady on the Subway Platform: "Yeah, just stay away from it...It was all hyped up. We thought it would be good, but it was just too much! I've got a real fear of snakes and they were scary..."

Me: "All over the plane, huh?"

Random lady on the Subway Platform: "Yeah, it was too gory...I'm disappointed in Sam."

At that moment, I decided I had to see it that very day.

So, in a half-filled theater that evening and after the WTF trailer for Black Snake Moan showcasing yet another, Sammy L. hairpiece, I watched it. And it delivered exactly what you would expect. There were snakes, a plane, and lots of disgusting snake bites.

The way the snakes get on the plane is pretty convoluted, but it would have to be.

It was fun enough, but...Ehh, it could've been better.

I know, I know...I'm difficult to please, get over it.

I'd say it had maybe 3-4 funny lines, not nearly enough Sam-on-snake action, several kung-fu Asian stereotypes, one reject from a Mountain Dew commercial to protect, and a very weak ending ...Hello?!? They should have zoomed in on a surviving snake on one of those surfboards. And they played a music video over the credits that was COR-NY.

I have a feeling it'll make enough to qualify as a sleeper but nowhere near blockbuster change. Net-geek driven flicks, can be iffy on making money even when they're good...Serenity anyone?

But hey, I don't even know why I'm writing this. We all know this movie is critic-proof. Those who will see it, will see it and those who won't, won't.

Period.

*ssssssss*


PARENTS: Parts covered by a bathing suit are bitten by snakes. There’s a mile-high scene that shows nakedness and a few curse words, not to mention intense snake violence...on a plane.

2 comments:

  1. I think I had much more fun at this one than you didi .. It definitely could have used more Samuel L., but I thought it was fairly funny throughout, and the snakes creeped me out .. I don't ask for much more than that in summer fluff

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh, I had fun.

    I just thought they could've taken it even further.

    ReplyDelete

As always, I appreciate all comments whether you agree or disagree. Just do not be vague, spammalicious, or disrespectful.

Trolling will get you deleted.

Thanks. :)