JUMPER

This movie is the most awful waste of celluloid, I've seen in a good long time.
There is not one redeeming quality I can think of that would be a reason to even catch a few seconds in passing, when it comes on cable. If you've seen the trailer, you've seen the best of it.

It's cliché, but dammit somebody needs to sit Rachel Bilson down and have an eating disorder intervention talk with her.

If a person looks emaciated on the big screen, that same big screen that adds ten pounds to your frame, then something is seriously awry. The clearly showing ribs and wrinkles on the face of twenty-something, as a result of hanging skin?

NOT SEXY.

NOT COOL.

Most importantly, it's NOT HEALTHY. Please, for the love of your impressionable little girls, explain this to them.

...And on top of that, she's not very good in this. Part of that may be because the script called for a chess-piece and not a person.

Hayden Christensen's whimpery voice combined with his selfish dick of a lead character does not appeal to the sympathies of the audience. Every word that comes out of his mouth is a lie, everything he does is for himself, and his girlfriend's reactions are as unbelievably unrealistic (beyond suspension of disbelief or horror movie-stupid, people) it'll just leave you with a confused expression, wondering why the hell you picked THIS MOVIE to see.

Even Sammy L. for whom my friend went to this movie, is in it a precious few minutes...Wasted giving some stupid generalized line (TWICE!) about only God being able to teleport, or something.

I think Jaimie Bell could do more given something worthy, he has some charisma even in this claptrap, but I'm telling you...This is pure, unfiltered, hot, garbage juice.

The script is so full of silly interrogatives and obvious answers repeated, over and over, and over, that you want to puncture your eardrums, just to stop the bigger pain of the stupid.

There is a moment when an extra in a bar repeatedly looks DIRECTLY into the camera. The director, editor, and whoever else who should have seen and corrected it, LEFT IT IN. That should give you some idea of the level of incompetence that went into making this film.

I've seen Sci-fi Channel original movies, that were more entertaining and better filmed. MANSQUITO was better than Jumper, kids, lest you think it's stupid in the somewhat entertaining way that you could heckle. I implore you to avoid this. Lest you realize burning your five-to-ten dollars would have been a better use of it.



PARENTS: NO MAN, WOMAN, OR CHILD should see this.

P.S. Oh, and Happy Valentine's Day.