LADIES FIRST

Yes!! It's list time. :D

This was inspired by a recent experience on another film community, that shall remain nameless, where I noticed one of the popular hosts of the site had NO females in any of his lists of favorite actors or directors...

Trifling? Yes.

Surprising? No.

As a movie geek and a woman, I must say...I am TOO TIRED of ladies not getting enough props for their involvement in cinema, especially behind the camera...So, this post y'all??

...Is just for them. Here are my favorite ladies (some favorite directors, period) who have worked the directing chair.

SANAA HAMRI - She's relatively new to the game, with her debut Something New. The movie itself, was just alright. But her style was very cool. The floating camera work, the way lush color was framed. Good work, there. This movie is also notable, because it is the first movie written, produced, and directed by Black women.

KATHERYN BIGELOW



The fact that this woman has gotten so little press, is pretty perturbing to me. She directed Near Dark and Strange Days, two decidedly non-stereotypical films for a woman, and both modern cult classics. She hasn't worked in awhile, but she is missed.

MIMI LEDER - This is another female director who just doesn't work enough. Her most famous movie was Deep Impact so, she's yet another woman who doesn't necessarily do the kinds of films, we expect. I find it strange that when women do these kinds of movies, and get hits, the next one doesn't have the same directed by marquee that say, M. Knight One-Trick-Pony gets.

KASI LEMMONS



I absolutely ADORE this woman. She directed two of my favorite recent films, Eve's Bayou and Talk to Me. You know, as a big fan of the magical stuff of fantasy and sci-fi. Black folks just don't get enough of that sorta' thing. So, when she did Eve's Bayou, a gothic tale with supernatural elements, and did it well, I became her life-long fan.

It is my dream to see either Kasi or Ms. Dash direct an Octavia Butler adaptation, before I die.

JULIE TAYMOR



Now, this woman is the QUEEN of visuals. Lush colors, imaginative art direction. Her movies bring the eye-orgasms. From Titus (one of my favorites) and Frida to Across the Universe. This woman is the shit. And here's an extra tidbit. All those gorgeous costumes from The Lion King broadway production? *She designed them. :)

If the Disney people didn't want to consult with black people about their black princess movie. They should have at least talked to Ms. Taymor. She totally got it right.

SARAH POLLEY - She was robbed at last year's Academy Awards, y'all. ROBBED for Away from Her. I do believe she's the most capable up-and-coming director in the bunch and the one with the most potential for future legendary status.

JULIE DASH - Daughters of the Dust. A quiet, lovely, movie chock full of strong matriarchs, speaking about the past and worried for the future. It's a lush dream-like film, that has a sad nostalgic air that I love. More work for Ms. Dash, please!

MIRA NAIR



Here's another director for the eye-orgasm group. She will ALWAYS get love from me for FINALLY giving Denzel Washington a sex scene in Mississippi Masala.

KIMBERLY PEIRCE - Here's the closest rivel to Ms. Polley's young up-and-coming talent. Why in the world did she NOT get nominated by the Academy for Boys Don't Cry? Won't somebody tell me??

SOFIA COPPOLA - Usually, I judge nepotism pretty harshly, but in this case? The woman actually can direct.

Now, it can be argued her stuff is pretentious and more style than substance...I didn't much care for Lost In Translation's use of Japanese people as comic relief and exotic background props, but still. Given the right material, I think she could work wonders.

JANE CAMPION



Regarded by many as the best modern female director, Ms. Campion directed the Oscar-winning The Piano. And once again, a woman was robbed of the Academy's director prize.

GINA PRINCE-BYTHEWOOD - Love and Basketball. Great, little movie.

And off-topic for a bit...For those idiots who doubt Ms. Lathan's acting skills because of that crap movie she was in Aliens vs. Predator? #1 She gotta eat. #2 Watch this movie.

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Now, the second part of this post is for my favorite female actors. Now, I say actors and not actresses because, a long time ago, a friend (thanks, Angie) schooled me on the politics of needing femanize a job we all do. What up with that? They all act, regardless of gender so why the special name?

Okay, convenience can be argued, but if you want the best for the job and the pronoun is already male-specific...Well, you're narrowing the field with an assumed gender. Okay, off the soapbox.

Here are my favorite acting ladies :


AMY ADAMS



The woman has that huge chunk of something; spunk, gumption, moxie, and the talent to back it up.

She's energetic without being annoying. Committed COMPLETELY in whatever she does, she pulls her audience right along with her.

Poor McDreamy *gag* is already as boring as a homily so, next to her in Enchanted? Wow, he was like so much background dressing. He might as well have been an extra.

MICHELLE YEOH



I've been a fan of this woman since The Heroic Trio. And yes, she does the martial arts, quite well, but...

Why in the world wasn't she nominated for her work in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon?! Jesus. She conveyed soooo much emotion in a look, a brush of the hand. That final scene? With the sword (and I'm not talking about fighting)?...Just acting talent up the whazoo.


ALFRE WOODARD - You know? I've always found Angela Bassett to be a tad overrated. Not, getting-jobs-wise, because she certainly is not employed enough, but her style. She's too stagey for me. So...Yeah, she's not one of my favorites.

No. I prefer Alfre Woodard. Check this, one of my favorite scenes, she's played :D

Start @ around 1:27:



She's the better actress to me, but gets a tenth of the attention Ms. Bassett does. Just for that final scene in Star Trek: First Contact ("Blow up, the damn ship!") and for Crooklyn...She's my girl.

JENNIFER JASON LEIGH



Gawd, I miss this woman. From Single White Female to The Hudsucker Proxy. Jennifer just doesn't get enough props. Somebody EMPLOY HER, already!

CATE BLANCHETT - Cate is a fierce bitch. Really. That's it and that's all.

TIDLA SWINTON - And so is this woman. There's a debate about who's fiercer between these two, but really there is room for both... Can you imagine the scene-chewing between these two queens, if they were ever in a movie together??



MISSI PYLE



I am particularly fond of comedic actors, because it's usually harder. And she does the damn thing, well. We have the Zoolander's and Anchorman's but where is her vehicle?? She's more than proven her comedic chops.

...Oh, that's right. Only MEN can do that. Women have to do the romantic comedies. Yuck.

REGINA HALL & ANNA FARIS



Both of these women, Ms. Hall and Ms. Faris are incredibly talented young actors bringing their A-game to mostly crap material.

Now, Anna is getting a shot at a starring movie in a craptastic-looking Legally Blonde clone, but hopefully her comic-timing and skill can bring up the material. Poor Regina Hall is Black and therefore, even more invisible, in Hollywood.

NAOMIE HARRIS - Anytime, a woman wearing rotten teeth, a dirty dress, and matted dreads can be sexier and more magnetic than the lead female actor, in all her finery...She's good. Between that and her work in 28 Days Later, she should be bigger than she is.

And will White Teeth come to DVD, already?!

RACHEL MCADAMS



What happened to her?? Does she need to fire her agent? Did she piss somebody off in the biz? She came out of nowhere to help bring The Notebook to cult-chick-flick status and then, just...fell off.

She's talented.

She's gorgeous.

WHY IS SHE NOT WORKING??

AMERICA FERRERA - Okay, I love this woman for two reasons. She's PROUDLY not a stick and she can act. Period. Remember, when I told you how much I love Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants?? She's one of the main reasons.

And here's my bonus, because she always brings the smiles, when I spot her in a movie:



That was BETH GRANT. :D If you don't know, now you know.

HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE TRAILER

Hmm...It's all dark and broody. Very, very, interesting.



Is it just me or does young Voldemort look like Damien?

Oh, and speaking of Potter, THIS.

*snicker*

THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG TEASER!!

You don't understand how much I am looking forward to this movie, y'all.

YES, it's Disney and they don't usually deal well with black folks, but dammit, I don't care. It's a Black Princess.

FINALLY, the little black girls who get taunted by the friends who say they can't be Cinderella, Snow White, Aurora, Jasmine, Pocahontas, Mulan, Ariel...because they are wrong color have a princess, they can be.

The Princess And The Frog http://teaser-trailer.com

Mind you, I am a little pissed at the toothless lightening bug. You're not setting the proper tone here, Disney.

Come on, now.

New century.

2009.

And y'all are trying the Dumbo crows, redux??

Disney. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

And all of the talented Black musicians coming out of Louisiana and y'all get RANDY NEWMAN to do the score?...Oh, boy...

Still, I hope. I really, really, really, hope the scales ultimately tip the right way. Not only for the Princess thing, but for traditional hand-drawn, animation. This is an art that needs to make a comeback.

*fingers-thoroughly-crossed*

Way Off Topic, Nationals' Game

Okay, people, I have to go off-topic for a minute to thank some folks, because they rock. Kristen, Gail, Bryan, Steven, Amy, Fawn...You guys are the bomb. Sorry, I didn't get to really meet the rest of y'all.

Thanks to the folks at TMG Strategies, I enjoyed my first Nationals' game at the new stadium. Fun was had by all and blogger-love was shared.

I have to shout-out, especially to ShallowGal and The Bitter Old Queen (very apt name, there). I kid, he's really a very nice guy.

We lost, but we had beer, so that's okay. To the random girls and one guy we met at the bar...You guys were good peoples too.

I think I'm going to have to break my rule and post a picture of myself here, because I got a nice one at the stadium.

As for the upcoming posts, I know I've been dragging my feet but that movie women post is coming. And another podcast is coming on Friday.

Until then, much love to you. ;)

WHERE TO SEE FREE OUTDOOR SCREENINGS IN D.C.

It's been a good while since I've done a truly local post. So, here's a little something for the D.C. people.



Here is a list, linked from Washingtonian.com of all the local free outdoor venues, where movies are being shown.

Enjoy the rest of Summer, kiddies. ;)

12 FILMS MEME

I've been tagged by Fletch over at Blog Cabins in a meme started by Piper over at Lazy Eye Theatre. This was inspired by The Beverly Cinema's recent move to allow Diablo Cody to select 12 movies to run there.

So, I'm presenting my own imaginary picks, for my 12 film festival.

Here are the rules:

1) Choose 12 Films to be featured. They could be random selections or part of a greater theme. Whatever you want.

2) Explain why you chose the films.

3) Link back to Lazy Eye Theatre so I can have hundreds of links and I can take those links and spread them all out on the bed and then roll around in them.

4) The people selected then have to turn around and select 5 more people.


Well, I'd do Black Cult Movie week.
Each day has two films following the day's theme.

----------------------------------------

Day 1 - Obrigado Brazil

City of God - This movie is one of my top 5 films of all time.

Black Orpheus - Multi-award winner, a colorful cinematic classic.




Day 2 - Black Director, White Wider Movie

The Negotiator - A typical Hollywood suspense thriller, that brings the entertainment goods.

25th Hour - Spike Lee's love story to New York. The score should have been Oscar nominated.




Day 3 - Ladies First

Daughters of the Dust - First widely released movie by a black female director... In the 90's. Sad, huh? It's haunting telling of lesser known parts of American history, with stunning visuals and strong female characters:



Talk to Me - Criminally underseen, last year's biopic of Petey Greene, should have garnered some Academy nods.

Day 4 - 70's Slavery: Beyond Roots

Mandingo - Hollywood, like the rest of the U.S. would rather forget than film stories about slavery, these days. Even Beloved made folks so uncomfortable, critics panned it (despite the fact that it really wasn't bad) ...It has NOTHING on this. Yeah, it's melodramatic, but 70's filmmakers were braver than we are today ...No flinching, coddling, or softening here.



Drum - Same here.

Day 5 - Modern Black, in Black and White

She's Gotta Have It - Spike Lee's first film, shows the promise in his well-written and dialogue and characters, interesting camera-work, and fully-fleshed out Black characters...Most notably, it's one of the few movies with a black woman at the center.

Killer of Sheep - A modern movie classic, "In 1990, Killer of Sheep was selected for preservation in the United States National Film Registry by the Library of Congress for being "culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant."^{" -wikipedia}



Day 6 - Burn, Hollywood Burn


Hollywood Shuffle - I figure the best way to end my festival would be with a finger to the system that keeps financing the same old things, despite all the previous evidence of what could be.




Bamboozled - Ditto




And go...

Big Mike
Rachel
Movie Dearest
The Mad Hatter
Skullcave People

Have at it! ;)

THE END OF AN ERA : EBERT AND ROEPER

Both Ebert & Roeper are now gone and so is the eponymous T.V. show.

And so, an era does indeed come to an end. Ebert is one of the few critics I look up to; for bringing respect to the profession, helping generations of folks save their movie money, and for speaking up against nasty stereotypes on film.

I never really warmed to Roeper, mostly out of loyalty to Gene Siskel... Still, he did have a couple reviews I agreed with. Yeah, I know it's not fair (sorry, Roeper).

Still, both are men who represent professional critics with class, intelligence, and most importantly, a palpable love of film. I wish them both well, in their future pursuits.

Reviewing, writing about, and loving film in the public eye has expanded both ways, quality-wise since Ebert first made his way on the scene.

We have horrible writers jabbering on-and-on, devoid of the metaphorical finesse to fully encompass what kind of film they're talking about. We have carbon copies, so many baby-boomer white guys basically saying the same things, in the same manner...

And we have the others. There are the movie geeks (Harry Knowles), the women (Lisa Swartzbaum), the POC's (Edwardo Jackson), and yes...Even the regular folks who cross-over a few of these "types" like myself, the LAMB's, the guys at Spill, and The Middle Row.

...That, my friends, is a good thing.

It means choice. It means we can find those most like (or unlike) ourselves and be entertained. We can use them as our own personal, tailor-made, movie judgment gauge. We don't have to just settle for the boomers, anymore.

Still...It's the difference between inheriting an old hand-carved chair and getting something mass-produced, from Ikea. Both are pretty and functional, but only one is irreplaceable.

They just don't know how to make 'em like Siskel & Ebert & Roeper, anymore.

Lyons and Mankiewicz are replacing them. Yeah. More boomer white guys, less personality and taste.

Good-going, ABC.

EDIT: So, it turns out, it's not Jeffrey Lyons as I had thought, but two younger guys. *duoh!*
Still, no women, no minorities. Ugh.

PINEAPPLE EXPRESS : EARLY REVIEW

Well, this is not the sneaky little nugget of sleeper goodness, I had hoped it would be. It is in fact, quite stupid...which is the point.

It's like watching a bad Freaks and Geeks fan-fiction, spin-off skit made by friends. ...If you had friends who would make that...

...Look, the point is you laugh because they're your friends. It's obvious quality is meant to be a non-factor. The laughs are the point, but it still feels like a first draft gone directly to filming.

A few of the gags did genuinely make me laugh, but I felt dirty about it later. The dialogue is horrible and sloppy plot arcs are left dangling. What little logic there is, is abandoned about ten minutes into the movie, so suspension of disbelief (and probably some imbibition) is a requirement.

I especially had an issue with the main character's love interest. The annoyingly unrealistic statutory rape aspect of her character was just really unnecessary, sexist, and not cute.

As I've said, almost all potentially offensive humor can be saved by wit and by just plain being really funny. Simon Pegg kicking an elderly woman in the face, in Hot Fuzz? Yes. Seth Rogan having a girlfriend in high school? Nope, not at all. The audience radiated discomfort, not amusement.

Still, I can easily see a small group of friends stumbling upon this on late night cable and hurting themselves laughing at the WTF absurdity and Apatow-style non sequiturs.

...But going to the theater for this??

Naw. I wouldn't.

As much as I love The Freaks, can't recommend sober, movie-money on this.

Now, I will say I noticed many people in my screening audience, commenting that they loved this, but I also heard one guy whisper "This is stupid" during the movie. So, I do believe this is a 'love it' or 'hate it' type of film.

If you're tiring of Apatow, stay away.



PARENTS: With the typical, tired, phobic, and lame homosexual jokes, you'd think it was written by kiddies, but nope.

Between that, a teeny bit a of gore, drug use, expletives, and the statutory rape-as-light entertainment...Yeah, it's made for immature adults, not kids.

P.S. I do have to give the Apatow camp props for giving the woefully underemployed Rosie Perez a job. I grant you, her voice is annoying, but the woman deserved to be bigger than she was. She's a great actor.

P.P.S. Another *fat sassy black woman makes an appearance in this movie.

HURRRM...WATCHMEN TRAILER!!

THE WATCHMEN TRAILER IS HERE!! YESSSS!!!


Find more videos like this on The Spill.com Movie Community


*exhales*

OH. MY. GOD. That kicked my ass.

For those who don't know, Watchmen is considered to be the GREATEST GRAPHIC NOVEL ever written, second only, perhaps to Maus.

Yes, you should be VERY EXCITED about this.

When the servers stop crashing, I'll put up the high-def version. And yes, this will be attached to The Dark Knight.

EDIT: The Quicktime High-Def version is up!

THE DARK KNIGHT : EARLY REVIEW

I'll keep this one spoiler-free.

It's a good movie, but it's not perfect. It's waaay too loud at moments. With it's distracting bass-heavy soundtrack, it even booms over dialogue.

I thought some of the action sequences were cut too long and were confusingly chaotic (very appropriate, but no more entertaining), stalling the pacing at times. I also thought some of the fight sequences could have been better choreographed. Batman's moves became repetitive in that Steven Segal-snapping-limbs, way.

But the gadgets? UBER-cool, y'all. I also dug the character arcs and motivations.

It was a good, tense, film, with the same vibe as the first. So, if you're one of those people who didn't like the first one? You won't like this one, either.

There was a moment in the film, that I did not think had the impact it should have, because a character got short-changed. It's either because of acting, writing or a combo of the two. I haven't decided on that, yet. ...Still, it bugged me.

I'm sorry that's so cryptic, but if you want the spoiler-filled version, listen to the quickie podcast, after you've seen the movie.

As expected, Heath is very good. So good, in fact, that despite the combined magnifying effect of the hype and his death, I still forgot it was Heath. He was just the Joker to me. That's the testament to the immensity that was his talent. Even his death couldn't upstage it.

Earlier, I wondered about the legitimacy of the Academy's sure-to-be, shoe-in nomination for Heath, but now? I know that if he weren't nominated, regardless of the circumstance, I would be doing some serious bitching. He totally earned it. If Johnny Depp can get it for Sparrow, then Ledger should get it for Joker.

A friend from line thought Aaron Eckhart and Gary Oldman were also incredible, and I agree. I really hope their performances don't get completely forgotten in the Heath-haze. Morgan and Micheal were their reliably solid selves and poor Maggie did what she could with the typical superhero-girlfriend-chesspiece role.

So, yes indeed, it's worth full-price. Even if everything else was trash, it would be worth it to see the performances. And yes, that's plural.



PARENTS: There's some frighteningly detailed scarring on one of the characters in this. I think it's a bit much for the younger kids.


P.S. I have to rant about something for a moment, that really bothered me. I sat next to a couple at the screening, who complained about Maggie Gyllenhaal's looks. This, they said, was the principal reason, they didn't like her in the role. And that's not the first time I've heard that.

So, let me say this. ONLY women get this kinda B.S. Nobody complains about Will Ferrell, Seth Rogan, or Mike Myers' looks... And the sad thing was, it was another woman, who initiated this.

Hey, Lady. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

First of all, how someone looks is subjective. One person's ugly is another person's pretty.

Personally, I think Maggie looks like a scrappy old-school Hollywood leading lady, with her slouchy posture and cupey doll face. And that's MUCH MORE interesting than say, I don't know...Absolutely, stunning Jessica Alba emoting NOTHING.

Secondly, it has zip to do with her performance. So, ladies especially... Can we please stop the madness? The chick doing the talking was not nearly as interesting-looking, cute, or (I'd wager) as good an actor.

So, if Maggie is ugly, then what does that make her?


P.P.S. To the folks from the front of the line...The conversation was fun and every one of you were great.

Thanks, y'all. :)

STAMPS HONOR VINTAGE BLACK CINEMA

This is just neat news.

I love Josephine Baker. Marlene Detrich may have entertained the Allies, but Jo' earned a Legion of Honor medal, spying for them.

Hallelujah is right up there with the other black classics I remember seeing when I was a girl, Cabin in the Sky and Stormy Weather. And honoring the old school soundies? The first ever "music videos"? Even cooler.

Black or white, folks just knew how to do EVERYTHING back then. Just try to compare Judy Garland with (the talented despite all the drama) Lindsay Lohan. *shudder*

Back then, they weren't just movie stars or actors. They were entertainers. Folks could sing, dance, act, do vaudevillian style humor...Just everything. AND WELL. Today's actors have nothing on folks from back in the day.

Now, imagine doing all of that and still having to go through the back door, being called derogatory names, not getting paid properly, and generally being treated like dirt.

STILL they churned out performances like the one below...

I'm sure today's actors get the talk about having to love their craft...No, uh-uh. THESE people LOVED their craft.

So, this is a must have set for me.

To set the tone, here's the best dance sequence ever filmed, so says Fred Astaire. I dare you to argue.

I give you The Nicholas Brothers featuring that Hep Cat, Cab Calloway, in a sequence from Stormy Weather.

Do not try this at home:



I suggest scrolling through at the end and clicking on Chattanooga Choo Choo, as well.

And here's one of those "soundies" featuring the horribly under-appreciated "Black Garbo" Nina Mae McKinney:

DCMOVIEGIRL'S BELOVED GOOD-BAD MOVIES

There are certain movies I KNOW suck on a certain level, that I nonetheless love.

This is list of them.

No, these are not guilty pleasures, because I don't feel a lick guilty about liking any movie...Uh, maybe for that other thing I did last week, but never for loving a movie.

If you think it's a stupid list, two words. Coal. Diamond.

Now, this list is in no way complete and they are not in any kind of real order. All you need to know is that they are all beloved by me. :D


THE BEASTMASTER



Wanna hear the nerdiest thing I've ever done?? Well, I have Marc Singer's autographed photo, up in my apartment, because of THIS MOVIE.


WHITE CHICKS

I just needed an excuse to post this again. :D



But really, this movie rules in every way possible. And somebody, give Terry Crews his own movie, already!


FLASH GORDAN



Flash! AAAAHH!! Do I really need to say more?

Okay, well... There are fetishes on parade, the bore-worms, winged men somehow flying without really flapping their wings (including one HUGE, swarthy guy, with big white teeth and impressive enunciation skills), and a soundtrack by Queen!


DUNE



I love this big weird whispery, Lynchy, film.

So, maybe you're thinking "And how can this be, DCMovieGirl?"

Well, my answer to that is...

"...For he is the KWISATZ HADERACH!"

So says the creepy toddler nun, so say we all.



RED SONJA



Between that amazing little Filipino kid, the Arnold Schwarzenegger presence, and Bridgette Nielson's off-sync scream of fury at the end "Gedren!!! Where ARE YOU?!", this movie is gold.

FYI: I hear Robert Rodriguez is planning on remaking this with his girlfriend Rose McGowan.


LEGEND = Tim Curry is a giant red demon. That's all you really need.




LETHAL WEAPON 3



Why Lethal Weapon 3, you ask?? Well, there are the armor-piercing bullets, the semi-creepy shave-bonding scene between Glover and son, the inappropriate Boyz-to-Men song usage, and one of my favorite onscreen couples bonding over bullet wounds and their mutual love of The Three Stooges. O.T.P.

Sooo, romantic. :D


PREDATOR 2



I actually love this sequel better than the original...Mainly, for Danny Glover hobbling around after the Predator in the L.A., Busey getting chopped in half by the Predator's version of a *glave, and for that cool-ass ending.

Did y'all spot the Alien trophy on the ship?? I do believe that's what lead to the comic-books and ultimately crappy movie sequels.

Plus, I've got this theory, that Predators are the "black" space aliens (well, them and Klingons)...

Think about it.

They have dreads, they have the brother walk and stance. And who survived, earned their respect, even received gifts, bonding, and initiation?? The two black leads.

See?
*see my entry on Krull to see what that is.


THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW



I have a thing for disaster movies...yes, even the crap ones.

And y'all, they outrun THE COLD. You've gotta love that.

SAVE THE LAST DANCE



Yes, it's a white girl in the hood movie, but dammit, I love it. Julia Stiles is a little stiff, but she's got rhythm when she dances to the groovalicious soundtrack.

Plus, you get to marvel at the wonders of a weave. It transformed Kerry Washington from cute inconsequential, baby-momma, black friend into an up-and-coming Hollywood leading-lady hottie.

IT's MAGIC!!

I do find it funny that the black fish out of water (in Finding Forrester) learns to use his brains from white people, while the white fish out of water learns to dance from the black people.


ASHLEY JUDD/MORGAN FREEMAN MOVIES



EVERY SINGLE TIME one of their movies is on TNT, I end up watching it. It really is a puzzling phenomenon.

...They totally should've hooked up. They had MAD chemistry. "The Man" just couldn't handle Morgan being God and hooking up with Ashley Judd.


WILLOW



Finally, the man behind the suit, Warwick Davis gets a starring role. Val Kilmer is in his most awesome role, EVER, and the soundtrack is genuinely hummable.

Willow is my Lucas fantasy of choice.


KRULL



As South Park has clearly demonstrated, the glave is a weapon so badass, even Jesus uses it.

A circle of spinning daggers you can control with your mind? YES, PLEASE!

This movie also has yet another memorable soundtrack. Remember, the music playing during the flight of the thunder-mares?

...Oh. It's just my geeky behind. Whatever. That music rocks, forreal.

Look for Liam Niessen and Hagrid in this too, y'all. ;-) ...I wonder whatever happened to the guy who played the prince?



CLASH OF THE TITANS



Forget the silly mechanical owl, it's all about the Ray Harryhausen-style special effects, Lawrence freak'n Olivier as Zeus, Medusa, and of course, THE KRAKEN!


THE WATERBOY



"h20....GAAAATERADE"

Oh, Sandler...

Elitists hate you. But I suspect they either go home and secretly laugh at your earlier films or they are those no-fun, stuffy people, who enjoy standing around hors d'oeuvres trays, schmoosjhing (how do you spell that?!). Newsflash, not every type of comedy is "high art" and sometimes a fart joke is funny. Learn to enjoy it. And Kathy Bates in this movie? = love.

Do they really doubt your skills? Then why in all of the recent SNL alums, have only you and Mr. Farrell managed to make more than one comedy hit?


...There are at least fifty more, that were left off the list, but pretty much every bad 80's movie, would probably make the cut. So, I may do a Part 2 somewhere down the line.