2008 MOVIE ROUND-UP ONLY THE BEST PARTS, PLEASE

Just because I hate making lists, that don't mean I can't just assemble all the best stuff from the movies and posts I made this past year...

That IS a list you say? Whatever. At least it's not numbered.

DCMOVIEGIRL'S
BEST SPOILERIFIC MOMENTS OF 2008!!

ATONEMENT

Green dress, unfinished bookcase sex, c*nt

NATIONAL TREASURE 2

Nick Cage's hairline

MOST BADASS WOMEN'S MOVIE MOMENTS

"Get away from her, you BITCH!!!"

JUMPER

NOT A GOTDAMN THING

DIARY OF THE DEAD

Black people take over a town

PENELOPE

I LOOOVED her room

THE OSCARS!

*zzzzzzz*

BE KIND, REWIND

The VHS remake montage

MOST STEREOTYPICAL WORN-OUT BLACK WOMEN'S MOVIE ROLES

Queen Latifah in Bringing Down the House:
Magical Negress/Mammy/Black Friend/Fat Sassy ALL IN ONE!!

10,000 BC

That I could and did walk out of that racist crapfest

IN BRUGES

The racist dwarf...What? (So, glad this is getting some recognition... Now, get to netflixing!!)




BEST REASON WHY HOT FUZZ IS STILL MY CURRENT FAVORITE FLICK

The swan

MOST ON POINT SUMMER MOVIE PREDICTION

The Dark Knight will rule all

NPR!!!

Whee!!! I was on it!

IRON MAN

The way Terrence Howard said "TONE-NAAY." and Iron Man's BFF, the robot



SPEED RACER

2 hour Skittles Commercial, with a crapload of minorities in it
Supporting characters and below yes, but we gotta' celebrate the little victories

NARNIA 2

The dazzling pretty of Ben Barnes

INDY AND THE CRYSTAL SKULL

The South Park episode I saw afterward, depicting Indy's rape

STRANGERS

When the idiots were finally killed

SEX IN THE CITY

Fashion, darlings, FASHION! That and forgetting to prune the bush




THE BEST ANIMATED MOVIE(s) OF ALL TIME

Beauty and the Beast/Toy Story 2
Point Blank

THE HAPPENING

It was MOTHER NATURE'S WIND, y'all
She farts and people kill themselves

THE INCREDIBLE HULK

HULK SMASSSSSHHHH!!!! (STILL DCMOVIEGIRL's favorite movie moment from this year!!)

BYE STAN

I was a serious fan as a little girl. :(

WANTED

Morgan Freeman: "SHOOT THIS MUTHAF**KA!!"

W. T. F.

BEST GOOD/BAD MOVIE EVER

THE BEASTMASTER.
Argue with me and I'll sic the ferrets on you

THE DARK KNIGHT

Heath Ledger actually surpassed the hype

WATCHMEN TRAILER

Looks exactly like the graphic novel
Fox can kiss my ass

PINEAPPLE EXPRESS

bunnh,bunnh,bunnh,bunnh,bunnh,bunnh,bunnh,bunnh, bunnh,bunnh,bunnh,bunnh,bunnh,bunnh,bunnh,bunnh,
I fly like paper, get high like planes....

PRINCESS AND THE FROG TRAILER

First black princess movie from Disney:

European fairytale *check!*
Toothless Cajun firefly *check!*
White guy doing the music *check!*
The fact that little black girls will finally have their Disney princess done in old school, pen and ink? *Priceless*

STEPBROTHERS

Balls on drum-set

THE MUMMY 3

This is what I mean, when I say AWESOME...ly bad:

GOOOOOOAAAAAAAL!!!!!



MOST DEADLY MOVIEGOING SIN

Talking
Think I'm playing?

TRAVELING PANTS 2

The Asian boy is not an asexual, kung-fu fighter
And he actually has sex!

TROPIC THUNDER

Downey does blackface so well, he doesn't piss black people off
Now, that's acting skills, people

BYE SHO' NUFF

Always the baddest and prettiest :(

MOST ON POINT WINTER/FALL PREDICTION

The Spirit, FTW!!...um, lose

HAMLET 2

Steve Coogan's glorious choppers and high-kick

THE FOURTH TYLER PERRY MOVIE

Kathy Bates and Alfre Woodard got work

LAKEVIEW TERRACE

Sammy Jackson was in it

EAGLE EYE

That it ended

APPALOOSA

Old school western
Viggo and Ed = ♥

QUARANTINE

A *zombie is beatdown by a camera

CITY OF EMBER

That mole with the creepy mouth

SYNECDOCHE. NEW YORK

I got to meet Mr. Kaufman!

OMG BLACK PRESIDENT!!

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE

Head-to-toe dookie

ZACK AND MIRI'S PORN < ROLE MODELS

Has anyone else noticed that Paul Rudd has freakishly short arms?

QUANTUM OF SOLACE

Daniel Craig is a sexy muthaf**ka

TWILIGHT

That Approved Mormon-Christian Entertainment Includes:

...Being saved by Metaphorical Oral Sex
...A teenager loving a creepy, stalking, 106 year-old man
...A snuff film finale
...Gleefully ripping off someone's head
VAMPIRE. BASEBALL.
...Tearing apart the rest of that someone and burning his parts in a fire
...Dancing Around, said fire in celebration

And an actual Indian got to play Jacob...Right?

BENJAMIN BUTTON

If only she hadn't forgotten her scarf, been late, twirled out into an alley without looking both ways....

THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL

Well, I did kinda' like the awesome destructive powers of the nanobots

DESPEREAUX

Despereaux

AVATAR RACEFAIL

Minorities turned white because people won't buy tickets otherwise

THUNDERCATS FAKE TRAILER

That somebody actually took the time to do it.

MILK

That it was made. But next time, include more actual gay people.

*As I said before, I know it's not really a zombie, but it sure was wearing a zombie uniform.

BYE-BYE 2008.
You weren't too bad.

MILK

It's a good movie, but not as stirring as I'd hoped it would be, maybe because it tried a little bit too hard, in the end. Like most biopics, I'm glad I saw it, but I probably won't ever see it again.

A lot of people have been saying Milk is the MLK of the gay community. I think Harvey Milk was more like Obama. He was a grassroots community organizer who had a knack for bringing competing teams together for his cause... Who knows where his story might have taken him?

The film was shot beautifully, as Gus Van Sant does well every time. It's bright slightly overexposed 70's photo-look lent perfectly to the sense of that time and place. Everyone is decent in their roles, with the exception of Emile Hirsch....I'll get to him later, but Sean Penn and Josh Brolin are stand-outs. Brolin BETTER get something this year, dammit.

It is a little annoying that no 'out' actors could be found to play any of the major roles in this film... And that's especially ironic given one of Milk's political tactics.

Overrall, I think this is a film that needs to be shown in high schools. If only our culture weren't so afraid of TEHGAYSECKS!! and sex, period, for that matter.

One of the biggest steps in the black community's struggle for equal rights, has been the slow uphill battle of letting the "rest of the country" see us as the diverse people we are and not the spooky boogiemen they imagine.

Sidney Poitier was a definite stop on the road to Obama.

More Ennis del Mar' s and Harvey Milk's need to be seen, hopefully played by a Sir Ian McKellen, next time.


PARENTS: Every teen should see it for history and empathy's sake.


P.S. On Prop 8.

It was Prop 6, in the film. Milk did something that was not done this time around. He recruited everybody. He never assumed support. He recruited vets, the elderly, black people, teamsters, whoever it took. He didn't take anyone's support for granted and then use his inaction as a justification for racism. He and his all-white campaign team went. after. EVERYBODY.

Folks have been wondering what kind of impact this film might have had, had it opened before the vote was on the ballots.

I'm hoping people would have at least, taken that lesson away.


P.P.S. Oh! I almost forgot Emile. Ehh, he just doesn't do it for me as an actor. I think he's overrated and just plain awful. Here, he had a spotlight moment that just had me rolling my eyes, thinking a kid in a high school play could do better. He also came off to me like he was "acting" gay and that's annoying.


P.P.P.S. Remember that thing I was saying about "the rest of the country" needing to see diverse people like themselves and not spooky boogiemen?

THUNDER, THUNDER--, THUNDERCATS, HOOOOOO!!!!!

I GUARANTEE this fan-made trailer is better than anything the studio system will come up with. I don't know whether I'm more impressed with the fan's skills (and time he/she had, damn!) or more apathetic about the inevitable crap-pile the actual trailer and movie will be.



I swear they have a list of every single piece of Gen-X nostalgia they eventually plan to cash in on. ...And oh yes, they WILL. NOT. STOP. until they get through them all.

We should listen to greasy, heaving, Ian Malcolm chest:

Amen, you sexy pre-xkcd, mathematician.

AVATAR: THE LAST AIRBENDER OR TURNING COLORED PEOPLE WHITE: THE MOVIE

WARNING: dcmoviegirl wrath-induced profanity ahead.

Okay, I had to blog a little bit more today, because of this shit right here:


That's Jackson Rathbone as Sokka and Nicola Peltz as Katara. Jesse McCartney is negotiating for the role of the evil Prince Zuko.


WHAT.

THE SHIT.

IS THIS?

A cartoon full of multi-ethnic Asian/Inuit tribes magically becomes lily-white on the big screen, because of M. Knight Mustassimalan and business as usual, in Hollywierd.

It's just annoying and beyond fucked up, because well, we all know white = default, even when that makes no fucking sense. In fact, it's part of the reason why fandom gets pissy any time anyone who rationally COULD BE another color gets cast that way. Witness, what happened when Mos Def became Ford Prefect for Hitchhicker's Guide.

"OMGZican'tpictureablackguyinthatrole!!1!!11!"

NEWSFLASH: One race being default? ...IS FUCKED UP.

Heck, even when colored people are cannon and are portrayed as such, a good chunk of fandom loses it's shit. Look no further than the "Cho Chang looks too Asian and is therefore ugly" casting wankery or when fandom's collected heads exploded because it was revealed that a minor cult character (Blaise Zabini) was actually *gasp!* black. Shoot, just do an image search on the character. Fandom is so screwed in the head they've still made him white (and a girl!), regardless of J.K. Rowling's word.

STOP. You, GREEDY RACIST MUTHAFUCCAS.

You even have crayon colors and bandaid versions of "flesh", a peachy-pink color that AIN'T even close to my gotdamn "flesh" color. You can afford to be semi-gracious about making the colored people in canon, COLORED PEOPLE IN THE MOVIE, GOTDAMMIT.

Neil Gaiman fans, are you wondering why it's taking so long to see Anansi Boys up on screen? It's because he doesn't want an Earthsea retread, where African gods are made white more palpable for audiences. That's right, he can't get anyone to produce the film with black people, like he wrote it and so, he's holding firmly to the rights. He doesn't want to be screwed like Ursula K. LeGuin.

BTW, she was rightfully pissed when that happened to her work.

I don't care what color you are, you should be insulted. Basically, Hollywood is saying you're all a bunch of racists who wouldn't spend money on colored folks, even when they make sense.

It's the reason why I'll likely never see my Octavia Butler movies (fucking Twilight, before Fledgling or Parable of the Sower?! *GARRAGHH!!*)

And this despite that fact that you've already proven them wrong. Will Smith has a vinegary aroma, but the man will always get my love for his hardwon "crossover" success.

So, folks, when M. Knight's website is up and running, I suggest you politely let that confused, self-hating, derivative, bad-twistmaking, filmmaker know, that this shit, ain't cool. Don't let the vocal stupid, drown the rational out.

Oh, and before you even come up in my blog with that 'race doesn't matter, it's just a movie' BULLSHIT:

BINGO, MUTHAFUCKAS.

*bingo board made by: Ali Wildgoose
*animated gifs found around the intranetz

THE TALE OF DESPEREAUX

Oh, how I loved this film. It was this gorgeously filmed, sweet little bedtime story. ...Just lovely and relaxing and makes you put your hands under your chin, while you have this stupid grin on your face, listening to it. If you still have even a smidgen of your inner-child left, it will come alive with this film.

For the old-80's heads out there, Matthew Broderick totally reprises his other 'Mouse' role.

This is quite frankly, the best non-pixar CGI film, I can remember seeing. It's definitely better than Cars.

All the super-cool lushly rendered "people stuff" in the background used by the rodents here, warmed my geeky little heart. I'm a sucker for quality animation and this movie has it in spades.

The Tale of Desperaux, is a fable that contains universally relevant, timeless ideals for everybody.

Now, one of my friends hated this movie, but that's because she's a bit Grinchy.


....Well, that and she's allergic to CGI mice. I do however, agree with her, a little bit about the climax. It could have been better done. It did come off a bit scattered and messy, but that's a small drop in a sea of likable, well-voiced characters and stunning set animation.

Another issue for the two sizes too small crowd, might be the narration. Sigourney Weaver takes that role here. If you had problems with her Planet Earth narration, well then, the same may be true for you, here.

Y'all, this may take The Secret of Nimh's place in my heart as my favorite animated rodent movie. Yes, it even rivals Ratatouille.

A parent and child pair in the nearly empty theater, sat in rapt attention and stayed through-out the credits. Another parent and child left early, however. So, it can be slow for some.

...But for me, it's well deserving of a .

Take the non-fidgety, non-jaded, kids with big imaginations.


PARENTS: Please don't let this become the underrated gem, I think it will be. GO SEE THIS MOVIE!

P.S. If you're familiar with the children's book this is based on, I'd love to hear your opinion.

THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL

This movie is straight doo-doo. It has the IQ of Independence Day, but without any of the fun.

People do stupid, pointless, and illogical things just to move the trite little "message-movie" plot (go green or aliens will destroy you!!). Keanu is wooden and uninteresting (yes, I know that's like saying water is wet) and Jennifer Connelly is likewise. Jaden Smith is a cutie, but he's clearly a benefactor of nepotism. He's not Jake Lloyd-awful, though. He does show traces of that natural charisma from the family genepool.

Just the fact that this film was even made annoys me. It's obvious the Hollywood machine just thought to cash in on a known property, a classic, without regard for the quality of the final "re-imagined" product. That shows real contempt for the viewing audience and the original filmmakers, while still looking to make that easy buck.

Please, don't fall for it. Don't enable more easy, crap-remakes to be greenlit.

The audience I saw this with laughed derisively and left quickly, a millisecond before the credits began to roll.

Check the original instead. I believe it's playing on AMC.

PARENTS: Except for the fact that it sucks, it's fine for kids.

PREVIEW: THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is a anti-ageist fable, a love story, and a hopeful eulogy to pre-Katrina New Orleans. It's Big Fish and Forrest Gump mixed together to create an imperfect, but still decent film.

I was never bored, and that's saying a lot for a film that's almost three hours. I was, however, initially very distracted by the creepy CGI. I'd never noticed Brad Pitt's odd slow blink, until this movie's CGI copied it, all too well. And the mouth movements were very Polar Express. The dubbing on the first few child actors was also distracting to me.

The cinematography and costuming are gorgeous, with Tilda and Cate donning some classy period garb. The acting didn't knock my socks off, but it served it's purpose. The screening audience was for the most part, riveted. Two couples left early, but the audience that stayed applauded, as the credits rolled.

There are little details that I really liked, especially when it came to the best of the central romance and on the matter of age and death, but I'm treading into spoiler territory, if I go into it.

It was good to see a long absent, popular 90's female actor make her reappearance in this, refreshingly surgery-free. It was definitely in keeping with the film's theme, which is hammered home pretty hard.

I was disappointed with the rose-colored tinge the issue of race was given for the period, but I also understood that it was part of the fantasy element. By and large, I think that may be my biggest criticism of this movie, the candy-coated preciousness of it.

Just like Forrest Gump and it's bright-smiley, positive, spin on mental illness, so this is, on the topics of age and death. If you loved Forrest Gump, you'll delight in it. If you had those afore-mentioned issues with Gump, then you may have the same problems here.

Still, it's solid.

It's well-worth a movie-outing.


I'm still waiting for a movie to really kill it, this season. ...I'm crossing my fingers for Doubt.


PARENTS: The savvy tweens should be fine with this. Sex, swearing, and violent death are all there, but handled with surprising modesty.