December 19, 2010


Okay, first of all, if you are going to see it, you don't actually need your 3D glasses until homeboy enters The Matrix, -I mean The Grid. So, keep those suckers off until that point.

Second of all, I TOLD YOU.

The movie was mostly boring exposition, which was occasionally unintentionally funny (because of the way Bridge's character spoke and acted, all I saw was "The Dude") and poorly filmed action.

Memo to Hollywood filmmakers. You can't wow us anymore with that speed-up-slow-down-speed-up effect anymore.  In fact, the only time we gasped, 'ooh'ed, or 'ahh'ed at that was 12 years ago, when the The Matrix came out.

I'll say it again. 12. YEARS. AGO.


...Slowing down that back-flip doesn't make it look cooler, it ensures that it's really not.

Now, contrary to what marketers would have you think, Tron wasn't some huge classic film. It was a cute little two-star movie with an interesting look, that I caught on HBO back in the day, when this cool ish proceeded it.

...And I've just dated myself. :P

It just seems "classic" when put up against the disgusting quagmire of regurgitated entertainment; pieces of what now encompasses the growing catalog of 80's pop-cultural nostalgia re-used by Hollywood.

When you have things like "Wild Thing" playing on a trailer for some creepy-CGI-smurfs with the title catch-phrase saying "Get Smurf'd"( 'e' left out  because that's what the uncool adults acting like kids do), I can totally understand how the old stuff can look golden, in comparison.

Anyway, the most memorable things about the original for me, were the effects used at the moment when 'The User' gets sucked in (the detail of him being taken apart in lasered pieces really struck me -this go round they forgo it altogether for cut-to-black) and the light cycles.

...Oh!, and that big headed swirly box thing.

...And how fine Bruce Boxleitner was back in the day. -Shut up.  Scarecrow and Mrs. King was my ish, okay?! 

Yes, I'd still hit and what?!

Everything else is a blur.

As for this installment. I think one of the biggest deals was made out of the fact that Daft Punk did the soundtrack. And though their blue anime alien rock band videos are awesome, (One More Time holds special dance club memories for me) and their robot helmets are also quite cool, -right along with most of their music, I gotta say... Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross easily left them in their electronic dust with their fantastic soundtrack for The Social Network.

When it wasn't simply 'very generic soundtrack' sounding, it was just a house beat with some beeps and blips thrown in. Their cameo in this movie was absolutely cringe-worthy.

Also, Jeff Bridges' de-aging by CGI was creepily done. The lips didn't move quite right and the eyes were all dead...which puzzles me, since the CGI for the Na'vi in Avatar didn't have that creepy look...At least that particular aspect wasn't creepy.

Maybe there's something about humans. I don't know.

What little action there was, compares unfavorably with the original, save for a few transformation details, which we already saw in the trailer. I hated that they basically turned Tron into that Sith from Phantom Menace. ...some vague notion of a mysterious threat or cool battle yet-to-be, which ultimately ends up amounting to less than nothing.

I did have a small chuckle at the wikileak-like thread in the film. At least it's topical!

So ultimately, I give it this, because my eyes rolled far more than they crinkled in laughter...even inappropriately.

PARENTS: Beyond some interesting kill, scarring, and injury effects (think flesh as shattered or splintered glass), there's nothing objectionable here, ...except the females who are all either barely there or merely ornamental.

Though, you might want to avoid Narnia. There is some rather unexpected nightmare fuel in that movie, in the form of a well-designed sea serpent *mouth appendages...too many...mouth appendages*.

P.S. I can't even knock on the Tron Guy. I understand his situation. I've been a fan of many things that people just blink at me like "What even is that?".  So, solidarity pounds to that guy. He's like a living embodiment of this gif:

He's re-watching his old Tron VHS, grinning like a fool, until the tracking jacks up, while we hate.

You keep strutting playa'!

P.P.S.  I don't care what anyone says, Steve Perry seriously has like one of the best voices, ever. Yes they played some Separate Ways and yes I rocked out.  Screw you! I ain't 'shamed.

I was totally this guy in regards to his love for Sexual Chocolate.

P.P.P.S.  Notice, I didn't mention any of the new people? Yeah. That's how little of an impression they made on me.

P.P.P.P.S.  Nope. I didn't pay for it. :)


  1. VHS, nothing. I've got the laserdisc limited edition.

  2. Anonymous2:57 PM

    It sucks for several reasons the MAIN one being nobody can top David Warner for bad guy snarl. He looks like a guy who was born pissed off and I saw Bruce in an episode of 'Cold Case' he is still hot but he needs a little Grecian Formula

  3. @Jay Maynard

    *gives daps* :D

    I respect your fanboy-fu.

    From what I understand, depending on how much this one makes, Cillian Murphy is supposed lead yet another sequel.

    So, maybe you want to send Disney some tapes.

    Make me eat my captionated words. :)

  4. @Anon

    David Warner...

    OH YEAH! He was in that! He is the best as at giving bad guy swagger.

    My fondest memory is of him playing a villain from Time Bandits.

  5. My god, thank you! You pretty much read my mind on this sequel. I nearly had to smother myself when Kevin said something about messing with his Zen. And I completely expected him to be drinking White Russians. *sigh* I was so excited to see this, but totally disappointed. (And Boxleitner? Me too...)


As always, I appreciate all comments whether you agree or disagree. Just do not be vague, spammalicious, or disrespectful.

Trolling will get you deleted.

Thanks. :)